Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
