i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
