Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
