My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
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