Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
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