Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
