She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
