I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
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