Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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