I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
