i just made my gag reflex go away.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I'm at about main and main street
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
