it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
Randomize
