Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
