just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
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