literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
COCAINE IS GR8
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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