office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
His penis is literally smaller than my cell phone. I can't go out like that.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
