Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
