Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Randomize
