she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
