I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
