mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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