her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
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