its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Randomize
