You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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