I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
