Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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