Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
