I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
