Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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