He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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