On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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