i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
