i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
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I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
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The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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