i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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