I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
