I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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