Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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