proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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