I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
No more Irish car bombs ever.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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