Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
