dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
