Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
