I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Randomize
