Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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