Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
