im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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