Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
