she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
