Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Randomize
