and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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