what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Randomize
