A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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