covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
Randomize
