they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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