Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
high people should be assigned attendants
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
sex in a hospital.. check
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
