And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Randomize
