Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
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