What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
