Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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