I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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