thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Can vaginas get frostbite?
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
