The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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