never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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