Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
