shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Randomize
