Please don't use social media to get back at me.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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