You really coming over, don't trick.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Randomize
