I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
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