I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
We have started to decorate penises.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Randomize
