the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I forgot what I was gonna say, but I'm pretty excited to not be pregnant.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
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