Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Randomize
