so let's talk penis.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
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