you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Randomize
