There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
