I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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