just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
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