Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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