I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
