you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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