dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
