yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
