he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Randomize
