I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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